When you're emotionally overwhelmed, the decision making part of your brain signs off and the reaction part takes over!
If you have ADHD, your nervous system might become dysregulated often, so even small stressors can feel like emergencies. The result? Reacting rather than choosing- which can put you in the path of much more significant "threats".
Hi, I’m Donae—occupational therapist and executive function coach—and in this post, I’m sharing a metaphor that helps explain emotional dysregulation: The Bee and the SUV.
The Bee and the SUV
Years ago, my daughter was terrified of bees. One day, a bee buzzed near her head, and she panicked—running straight into traffic. She wasn’t thinking about the SUV coming toward her. She was reacting to the perceived threat of the bee.
Would a bee sting feel good? Nope. Would it feel better than getting hit by an SUV? My guess is yes.
ADHD brains often work like this. We get overwhelmed, overstimulated, and threatened—not just by physical danger but by social discomfort, fear of failure, rejection, or confusion. In those moments, our nervous system is hijacked.
We're not deciding. We’re reacting.
Expanding Your Definition of Threats
A threat isn’t always physical. It can be:
- Feeling judged or left out
- Fear of letting someone down
- Uncertainty about a task
- Being asked to stretch beyond your limit at work or home
And when your nervous system perceives that threat—even unconsciously—it triggers a reaction meant to keep you safe. That reaction might be:
- Saying yes when you want to say no
- Lying to avoid upsetting someone
- People-pleasing at the cost of your own time or energy
- Shutting down completely
Reactions, by their nature, on NOT well thought out responses, so we need to challenge them when we can!
Real-Life Example
One of my group coaching clients recently shared that she agreed to help with a project she had zero capacity for. She felt relief in the moment—because she was subconsciously soothing the fear of not being seen as valuable. Ten minutes later, she was overwhelmed and resentful.
She couldn't understand why she was sabotaging herself. When we dug a little deeper, she realized that she wasn't actually trying to self destruct; she was reacting to the very real threat of rejection.
What’s the Bee? What’s the SUV?
When you’re activated, pause and ask:
- What am I trying to avoid?
- What am I afraid of?
- Is this discomfort (the bee)… or is this something with lasting consequences (the SUV)?
This mental check-in can shift you from reaction to reflection.
Why This Matters
Unaddressed emotional dysregulation can lead to:
- Overcommitment
- Broken trust (in others and yourself)
- Avoidance of tasks that are important
- Shame cycles that make change even harder
But when you know what’s going on—you can work with your brain, not against it.
If this resonates, you’re not alone. ADHD doesn’t mean you’re doomed to run in front of the SUV—it means you need strategies that are wired for you.
👉 Want personalized support? Learn more about 1:1 and group coaching https://theadhdclaritycoach.com/page/coaching-services].
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