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Interrupting in conversations is one of the most common, and misunderstood, challenges for people with ADHD. It can create real friction in relationships. We might be seen as not listening, not caring, or making things about ourselves. But that’s usually not what’s happening at all.
It’s Not Rudeness
One of clients (Tanya) had friendships that were deeply impacted by this. She cared about her friends. She wanted to connect. But Tanya found herself interrupting for several reasons, and one of these was that she was afraid that she would forget what she wanted to say. She'd change the topic when her friends were in the middle of sharing and it was interpreted as selfishness. That disconnect between her intentions and their perception of her was super painful.
The Two Extremes
I tend to see two common responses when it comes to interrupting and ADHD. Neither one of them are ideal when it comes to honoring both sides of communication (our ultimate goal).
1. “This is just how ADHD is, take it or leave it.”
There’s something important here: removing shame. But the part I don't love is that communication isn’t one-sided. Relationships require mutual understanding and care. Our impact is real, even if our intentions are kind.
2. High masking
This is more common in my clients. They've had enough negative feedback in their lives that they've come up with some compensations. They often try to control everything and are hyper aware of how they are perceived (or at least how they think they're perceived).
They're monitoring:
- What they say
- How they say it
- When they speak
Hypervigilance abounds and the goal becomes "appear neurotypical" not enjoy authentic connection. That comes at a cost: exhaustion and missing out on truly satisfying relationships with others.
What Actually Works: A Balanced Approach
Neither masking nor the "like it or lump it" approach are likely to give us the kind of healthy relationships we crave. We’re aiming for something in the middle:
- Respecting your brain
- Respecting the other person
- Honoring connection on both sides
When we understand how some of ADHD needs can impact our communication, we can support ourselves in a way that doesn't require masking.
Interrupting: Why It Happens with ADHD
There are several reasons why those with ADHD may be more prone to interrupt or lose the thread in conversations and there are things we can do to help.
1. Auditory processing overload
Long stretches of listening can be hard to process and we may not be able to sustain our attention with no other sensory input.
How to Support It:
- Take notes
- Move your body
- Use visual anchors
2. You need active engagement to stay focused
Sometimes you might need to talk to stay present. If you force yourself to stay silent for too long, you'll drift. That might meant that your listening is more active than others, and that's ok! There's ways to do this that will reinforce connection rather than lessen it.
Try:
- Paraphrasing
- Asking questions
- Reflecting back
This keeps you engaged without hijacking the conversation.
3. Memory challenges
This is a big one. You’re not interrupting because you don’t care, you’re interrupting because you might lose the thought completely. This can be frustrating, especially if you're managing it alone. It's ok to ask for help.
Strategies:
- Enlist help: Ask your partner to remind you of the thing you'd like to come back to when they're done.
- Write it down.
4. Sensory overwhelm
Some environments make connection nearly impossible for those of us with attention and/ or processing issues. A part of advocating for yourself is recognizing your sensory needs and adjusting environments and expectations accordingly.
Examples:
- Loud restaurants
- Busy spaces
- High visual/auditory input
Advocate for yourself:
“I really want to hear this, but I’m struggling to focus here, can we continue this somewhere quieter?” If you prefer staying where you are, help adjust the expectations- "It's hard for me to focus in here, but I want to hear more about your trip when we're in the car."
“I really want to hear this, but I’m struggling to focus here, can we continue this somewhere quieter?” If you prefer staying where you are, help adjust the expectations- "It's hard for me to focus in here, but I want to hear more about your trip when we're in the car."
Splitting the Difference
You don't need to:
- Mask who you are
- Become a completely different communicator
- Hide your enthusiasm
When you work with your brain, you honor your differences and create supportive connections for you and the ones you care about.
Final Thought
If you interrupt, it doesn’t mean that you're selfish or you don't care. It means your brain has needs. When you understand those needs, and advocate for them, you create space for better, more authentic connection.
💬 What helps you stay present in conversations? Share in the comments.
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