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Interrupting in conversations is one of the most common (and misunderstood) challenges for people with ADHD when it comes to social skills and connections. It can create real friction in relationships and be interpreted as us not listening, not caring, or making things about ourselves. But that’s usually not what’s happening at all. It turns out many of us have brain needs that can make interrupting more likely and there are ways we can meet those needs without having to mask or "check out" during conversations.
It’s Not Rudeness
One of clients (Tanya) had friendships that were deeply impacted by this. She cared about her friends. She wanted to connect. But Tanya found herself interrupting for several reasons, and one of these was that she was afraid that she would forget what she wanted to say. She'd change the topic when her friends were in the middle of sharing and it was interpreted as selfishness. That disconnect between her intentions and their perception of her was super painful.
Do You Interrupt Others? These Are Two Common Responses
I tend to see two common responses when it comes to discussing interrupting and ADHD. Neither one of them are ideal when it comes to encouraging authentic connection with others. Our ultimate goal is honoring both sides of your communication and neither of these extremes do that.
1. “This is just how people with ADHD communicate, take it or leave it.”
There’s something I do like about this approach: removing shame. But the part I don't love is that communication isn’t one-sided. Relationships require mutual understanding and care. Our impact is real, even if our intentions are coming from the right place.
2. "I'm going to make sure I look like I'm paying attention!"
I notice this pattern more frequently in my clients. They've had negative feedback throughout their lives when it comes to communication and social skills.
"You're too much."
"Stop interrupting."
"Calm down."
If they've received enough messages about talking too much, interrupting or "making things about them", they may start to compensate by shutting themselves down and withdrawing from the conversation. This compensatory method of trying to control everything they say and being hyper aware of how they are perceived (or at least how they think they're perceived) can be draining.
They're monitoring:
- What they say
- How they say it
- When they speak
- How loud they are
Hypervigilance rules and the goal becomes "appear neurotypical", not enjoy authentic connection. That comes at a cost: exhaustion and missing out on truly satisfying relationships with others.
What Actually Works: A Balanced Approach
Neither masking nor the "like it or leave it" approach are likely to give us the kind of healthy relationships we crave. We’re aiming for something in the middle:
- Respecting your brain
- Respecting the other person
- Honoring connection on both sides
When we understand how some of ADHD needs can impact our communication, we can support ourselves in a way that doesn't require masking.
Interrupting: Why It Happens with ADHD
There are several reasons why those with ADHD may be more prone to interrupt or lose the thread in conversations and there are things we can do to help. Auditory overload, attention regulation, memory challenges, and sensory differences can all contribute to how we show up in conversations.
1. Auditory processing overload
Long stretches of listening can be hard to process and we may not be able to sustain our attention with no other sensory input.
How to Support It:
- Take notes
- Move your body
- Use visual anchors
2. Attention regulation (aka: you need active engagement to stay focused)
Sometimes you might need to talk to stay present. If you force yourself to stay silent for too long, you'll drift. That might meant that your listening is more active than others, and that's ok! There's ways to do this that will reinforce connection rather than lessen it.
Try:
- Paraphrasing
- Asking questions
- Reflecting back
This keeps you engaged without hijacking the conversation.
3. Memory challenges
This is a big one. You’re not interrupting because you don’t care, you’re interrupting because you might lose the thought completely. This can be frustrating, especially if you're managing it alone. It's ok to ask for help.
Strategies:
- Enlist help: Ask your partner to remind you of the thing you'd like to come back to when they're done.
- Write it down.
4. Sensory overwhelm
Some environments make connection nearly impossible for those of us with attention and/ or processing issues. A part of advocating for yourself is recognizing your sensory needs and adjusting environments and expectations accordingly.
Examples:
- Loud restaurants
- Busy spaces
- High visual/auditory input
Ways to Advocate for Yourself
“I really want to hear this, but I’m struggling to focus here, can we continue this somewhere quieter?” If you prefer staying where you are, help adjust the expectations; "It's hard for me to focus in here, but I want to hear more about your trip when we're in the car."
Splitting the Difference
Building more awareness about your communication patterns can make a big difference in how you connect with others. You can do that without:
- Masking who you are
- Becoming a completely different communicator
- Hiding your enthusiasm
When you work with your brain, you honor your differences and create supportive connections for you and the ones you care about.
Final Thought
If you interrupt, it doesn’t mean that you're selfish or that you don't care. It means your brain has needs. When you understand those needs, and advocate for them, you create space for better, more authentic connection.
💬 What helps you stay present in conversations? Share in the comments.
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