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When people say they want to work on emotional regulation, they're typically looking for tools that help them feel big emotions without feeling like they're shutting down or blowing up. They want to be in the place where they can still make choices, even if things are hard. If you have ADHD, nervous system dysregulation is common. That doesn’t just show up in attention, it shows up in how we experience our emotions and energy too.
Attention, Emotion, and Energy Are Connected
With ADHD, attention regulation is often the focus. But nervous system regulation is the larger umbrella.
- Sometimes attention locks in and won’t shift and other times it disappears when you need it.
- Sometimes emotions spike high, sometimes we're feeling numb and shut down.
- Sometimes energy makes it hard to sit and focus, other times it collapses.
We're not going to eliminate those shifts, but we can learn to notice them and use tools that intentionally shift our nervous system level.
What's the Goal?
It's normal to have fluctuations in our energy, attention, and emotions in the day. When we're working on building tools to manage these, it's about helping function and increasing our ability to match our nervous system level to what we want or need to do.
What Regulation Isn’t:
- Always appearing calm
- Shutting down
- Masking your reactions
- Pretending you’re fine when you're not
What Regulation Is:
- Feeling your emotions (that includes anger)
- Staying in the moment (not shutting down, lashing out or running away)
- Being able to function, even when emotions are high or our energy/ attention dips
- Making intentional choices (rather than reactions)
The Nervous System Pyramid
When I work on regulation with clients, I think in layers:
Bottom: Body-Based Tools
Simple, accessible inputs that shift your state. Sensory strategies are a great example of this- they are simple, body-based inputs like running, massage, fidgets, walking, or even humming. These don’t require complex thinking and they're hard to "get wrong".
Middle: Practiced Tools
Still body-based, but with more skill involved. Think mindfulness, meditation or even some grounding practices like breathing strategies.
They take repetition and training.
Top: Thought-Based Tools
Cognitive approaches like noticing and reframing thoughts are powerful, but when you’re highly dysregulated, your thinking brain can go offline. That’s when body tools are often more effective first.
The reality is, we need tools from all levels if we're working on regulation. Attention, energy and emotional regulation are helped with a variety of tools. Building yourpersonalized a toolkit takes time and some trial and error, but it's well worth it.
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